Loneliness....

I was born with an inate ability to make friends and chat with people. I love to engage in intellectual discussions with friends and relatives. I enjoy hanging around in good company having fine food and drinks. Well, as you can see all I have said are things I want to, hope for, wish to, and yearn for. In actual fact, I have lived most of my life a lonely man. Well, i guess u might think because I have a nasty character or some freaking guy with queer habits that makes me get discriminated by others. Well, to disappoint you, I am not any of those. I would say I know many people, but few i call as friends. In fact, i use to tell people that i have long forgotten the meaning of friends. Because people i have once considered to be friends, have hurt me the deepest and hardest way you can ever imagine to make me cringe in fear of the word ' friend' Spare me all the 'pals, bros, buddies, dudes, etc' i have heard enough of those..In fact people who have used all those on me, never lived up to the meaning of those words. My bff used to tell me that its sad that someone like me have met many un-nice people along the way as such that i do not have the luxury of having nice loving company..
Since i cant remember when, i spent most of my time doing things alone. You name it, I have done it. I have ate at hawker centres, to food courts to cafes and restaurants all alone. Though i hate eating at foodcourts alone during peak hours, it's hard to find seats for one. I have shopped alone for gifts and groceries for the household. I have watched movies alone as well...not to forget tt..For someone who loves to talk and express himself, its pure torture to live in loneliness and isolation. But well, i have done tt...I have lived in torture for years...of course, i hope for the day to be in the arms of loving fun company or maybe at least a loving parter would be good as well. I m starting to grow and get use to it. Though sometimes the loneliness gets to me, like a drug addict going 'cold turket' and suffering from withdrawal syptoms. I start to feel depress, trying to find an outlet to let out my pent up voices and feelings. But after awhile, it withers away..and voices just die off..as if they were never meant to be said..I knw this loneliness will only get worse..I just have to brace myself for it..though I hope along the journey of life, i will meet idea people, to become good friends, company and a loving life-long partner for me....